I was told the other day that I won't be able to take 12 weeks off work. "We can't afford it", which I understand..kinda. I know babies cost money, i'm not an idiot. It's not exactly all my fault that we got pregnant before our aflac had a chance to kick in to cover the cost of the baby. Which is really too bad because if we would have waited with the lovins and had the baby in Oct. or Nov. I'd be in the clear. I'd get to stay at home for 3 months because we'd have that money to use. But NOoooo "someone" can't keep his hands off my sexy body, hahaha!

Anyway this isn't fair! To make matters worse, I loaned my baby fund to my sister thinking I would get repaid in a timely manner..wrong! I'm not even going to be able to buy the furniture I really wanted without it.

Which I'm not even sure why I'm getting so worked up about it, I may not even have a job for next year anyway. Anna said the other day if we don't get our kitchen like we're supposed to the entire center will shut down because the Middle School won't be there. And without being to provide a hot meal, we're kinda screwed.

I hate this job more and more everyday, I have been sick all year it seems; i used to NEVER get sick. The children roll their eyes at me, they don't listen, they do exactly what I tell them not to. Everyday it gets worse, might as well stayed at Walmart. At least at Walmart you know you're gonna hate your job, it's not like I wasted 9 years of my life on this degree when it's not really even the degree they want you to have.

I don't know what to do. :(

We had an ultrasound today. We have a heart beat of 167.

I read online, that anything between something like 150-190 is normal for a 9 week fetus..also something cool, My baby is no longer an embryo, he's a fetus..yay for graduation!

I have also read to keep a journal of everything I'm feeling so that I can look back at this next time and see what I'm feeling is normal. I am going to try to do that, but you know how hard it is for me to write everyday; but I am going to try my hardest.

On another note: I have been teaching the kids to call the hogs, Kylene really gets into it..the others not so much. Is this wrong I'm teaching them this? I don't think so, We practice our colors, shapes, counting all the time; this is a good distraction :)

Poll: How many of you that read this have had babies? And if so what were their heartbeats at around 9 weeks, and did they end up being boys or girls? We're hoping for a boy, I also realize this is a old wives tale but it sure is fun to think about isn't it?

I thought I was 8 weeks last saturday..turns out not so much. I was only 7. My boobs don't hurt today. So I'm 8 weeks today without feeling it. Yes I'm nauseaus (sp?) but not like I have been. I don't know what to do, there's nothing I can do really. I mean If i'm having a miscarriage is will probably be here by the time I get the ultrasound.

If it's not my progesterone, what is it? Someone better find out something. UGH!

 My dog has ignored me and wants nothing to do with me, until yesterday. She now won't leave me alone, following me everywhere just like before I was pregnant. She has done this before, ignored me and then a few days before I miscarry she is back to her old self. Well yesterday she went back to her old self; loving me again. Do you think this means I'm about to miscarry again? All signs point to yes. I will be 7 weeks on Saturday. Dog's are supposed to have some kind of 6th sense about these things..right? I just hope she's wrong. My husband thinks it's all in my head, and she's been acting normal this whole time. I hope he's right.

If Annie's right and telling me I'm about to miscarry, she's smarter than I thought. If she is smarter than I give her credit for maybe she's telling me not to worry this time,; everything will be fine.

TJ the cat is the same as he always was, always purring; always loving. Maybe he's just dumb.

Did you ever just want to run away? I don't know what to feel anymore. I want to be happy about this but dreaming of what could be makes me sick to my stomach. I don't know what I'll do if it happens again. 20 days of progesterone isn't enough. I don't care if my level is 17.6 or 40. I want it to be higher. I have done research and anything over 15 is a good number...17.6 is not a high enough number for me to feel safe. I go in on the 3rd but not to see the doctor, just the nurse (not that nurses aren't good, they're just not good enough for me) Ultra sound on the 27th I will be 8 weeks, the week where everything goes wrong. Michael won't even be with me. What if something happens? What if something isn't right? I won't be able to drive. And what about work? Should I tell them now..are they going to wonder about doctor appointments?

No work tomorrow, it's a snow day. I'm very relieved but at the same time it's going to take forever to get these kids back to normal. Last week was worse than my first week of school. I didn't cry but still, it was rough.

I have been watching Nip/Tuck, I'm on season 3. The last episode actually. I like this show a lot. It's strange but I like it just the same.

FYI, I don't write these blogs to make anyone feel better, they are for ME...ME! It makes ME feel better so get over yourself.  I've been meaning to write that for quite sometime but Christmas was here and I just don't feel like fighting, I still don't but I had to get it off my chest.