So, I had a total mental break-down yesterday. We were eating our supper at Branding Iron, because the Chopping Block was closed, and I wanted fish. There we were eating supper about to be finished when a family comes in. There was a man in a walker. He was old and feeble, didn't really look like Papa but somehow he did...I don't know exactly I was just washed over in emotion. I couldn't hold the tears back, Michael was worried. I don't know if its because the edd is getting close or what but I'm a train wreck these days.

AF never shower her ugly face yesterday. So I have my fingers crossed and maybe she won't be here for 9 months...I'm not getting my hopes up! But if I am, what I think I am maybe that's why I'm acting like a looney bin.

We went to Fort Smith today. Sarah, Buddy and Lucifer were all fine. We ate at Olive Garden..it was really yummy or I was really hungry, either way I was pleased :)

We're home now, waiting for the weekend. M'boro here we come! And then next week we're going to St. Louis, YAY! We're becoming regular world class travelers..kinda.

I got an email that I have received 33 views of this blog..where are my comments, or least some advice?

Sprinkling baby dust my way...

I have a pain. A pain so great nothing can cure it. My heart is broken, will it ever mend?

The due date creeps closer and closer. I don't know what I will do that day. Will Michael remember, wil lhe be upset? He'll have to go to work tomorrow, I don't know what I'll do while he's gone. I need to clean this house, its horribly disgusting. Everytime I go into the bathroom my stomach churns. I cleaned the shower a week ago, and it's already unbearable to me. I don't know how to clean it so it stays clean for more than two days.

He just woke up, his bug bites are itching.

I leaned tonight there is an open window for when I need to go to bed after taking Benadryl. I took two pills at 8:30 PM It is now 1:43 AM. I felt the pills taking effect at around 9:30...10:00, but did I lay down? NO! I was watching a movie on Netflix and didn't want it to end..I could have pushed pause and been dreaming of Goodness knows what, happy and sleeping. I think my favorite pasttime is sleeping, well that and eating..but all know the eating habit...

Here it is almost 2 AM and I'm eating chocolates. Aunt Flo should come tomorrow I felt her coming this afternoon, and I wanted to cry. There is always a hope she won't show up, she is by far the "person" I hate the most.

We're watching the 'Last Airbender'...yes the cartoon on Nickelodeon, I've actually grown quite attached to it..surprisingly...

I guess that's it, 'til next time
spreading baby dust my way
xo
Tina

I'm angry. Everyone but me is pregnant. Everytime I see it happen I hope they miscarry, so they will feel like I do. I know its wrong and as soon as I have this evil thouhgt, I take it back.

Why do I Facebook? It only causes me pain. So why do I do it?...

I walked a mile today, and I was wore out after..wheew! The tape that Keesha burnt for me is actually a 2 mile walk but the girl is so annoying, I wanted to pull her hair out. Has that ever happened to you. You see someone on the street and you just want to walk up to them and punch them in the face for no reason at all. It happens to me all the time.

Michael went for a hike today, he was supposed to have gone camping too (overnight)..I'm glad he didn't end up staying for the campng part. Though a piece of me was happy he was away for the day, I was glad when he got home.

I could have cleaned but we did it together on Wednesday, because my mom and sister came down for the day. And I don't have the stamina or the desire to do it anyway. There are tons of things for me to be doing, but I have no desire to do it..same old, same old.

Aunt Flo is supposed to come for a visit in 2 days, here's to hoping she doesn't! :)
and sprinkling baby dust my way...
xo

As we draw closer to the due date, I become more solemn. Its as if nothing said or done will help. I pray for peace, no peace has come. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I have it pretty good. I have a husband who loves me, a roof over my head and a dog who does cartwheels when ever I'm around..yes actual cartwheels.

I have tried to read message boards of women who are going exactly what I am but they only seem to make it worse. Yesterday was my first appointment with Dr. Thaxton as I said she is super nice, and very understanding. I was very emotional in the little room. I cried. She didn't say anything, only an understanding smile. Which I really like becasue when I'm upset about something, its better if I am alone. I don't want to be hugged or touched; it only makes it worse.

Dr. Thaxton didn't say but I also didn't ask about my weight. I know I need to lose weight, my jeans from last fall don't fit..something has to be done. I have tried walking/running I even bought Runtones; they only hurt my feet. One hundered bucks down the drain. Its so hot outside, which I know is only an excuse. We have Tony Little Gazelle, but I don't have the desire to jump on it everyday. Yes I'm lazy..no question about it. I know if I lose weight it will be beneficial to me but also to my future children. So why can't I get the want, for lack of a better word to do the work? I don't understand myself sometimes.

Here's to sprinkling baby dust my way.
xo

I want so much to have a baby. I went to the doctor today, she has high hopes that it won't take long. We know I can get pregnant, that isn't the problem. I started to think this too, we need to continue to work at it. With timing and luck, it won't take long.