My life in a nutshell, really sucks right now. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want a baby but not if this is only the beginning. I want to shout, I want to scream, but in the end I would probably only hear, “You are bipolar, go get it checked!”
Three years ago, I got married. It was great, nothing had changed. We dated for 5 years, sure it was boring but it was us, I was fine with it. In January of 2008 my husband told me, he didn’t love me, and he wanted a divorce. He will tell you he didn’t say that but he did. According to him, those are not the words he used. I told him I wouldn’t divorce him. I started telling people at work about it. They were all sympathetic towards me. But, then again they were all men. Who wouldn’t be sympathetic to a young girl who was vulnerable? One man was very nice. He made me feel good about myself; I started to think maybe life would be better without Michael. He’s the one who hurt me, maybe that’s what I’d do to him. And I did. I moved out in March of 2008. I moved to Dover, maybe it would be better I wouldn’t have to see anyone. I started talking to an attorney in April; I would be divorced by June. I was having fun hanging out with who I wanted, doing what I wanted, and going where I wanted. I thought it was great! My “friends” were so supportive. Not just my work friends but my former work friends too. Well, Michael started calling me when he got papers from the attorney telling him I had filed and when the court date was. He called and harassed me, he wanted to see me. We agreed we would meet after work one day. I saw him and fell more in love with him than ever before, I don’t know if “falling in love” is the right term but I realized I still had feelings for him. I told him we could work on us, and I would put the divorce on hold. I regret this now, I regret ever moving out. It was wrong I know it now. Michael has forgiven me but will God ever? We started “dating” again. It was strange but we somehow managed. I think all this happened in August. We moved too fast and decided to move back in with each other in October. We got a rent house, I wasn’t happy. I should have just told him I was unhappy but I didn’t. I cheated on him with someone from work. He knew something was up; he hacked his way into my Facebook account and found an email. He kept an eye on my phone and read my text messages. I never deleted anything, it was all there. Well, he moved out in the first week of December. I again thought life was better without him. Again, I was wrong. I continued to see the guy I cheated on him with. He eventually grew boring too. I went back to the attorney when Michael moved out. I was divorced January 16, 2009.
I thought I was finally free, but I was never free from Michael. I was still in love with him; I just never realized it until it was too late. Well, finally I had had enough and somehow managed Michael to let me come back. We moved in Mena in August of 2009 and re-married October 13, 2009. He let me quit my crappy job at Walmart and I stayed home.
When we were apart for most of 2009, and divorced he saw people. I’m not sure all who but I know of one person, by the name of Kristen, let’s call her Bitch for short. We agreed that I wouldn’t talk to Josh and I made it clear I didn’t want him talking to Bitch. Well that didn’t last long. I got a phone call at work, before we remarried. The girl on the phone told me she was friends with Bitch, and that she had told her. Michael thought I was bipolar and he didn’t want to marry me again but he also didn’t want to be alone. I confronted Michael about it, he told me that wasn’t true and he would never talk to Bitch again. I believed him, how stupid can one person be? Well that didn’t last long, two months later he was at again. He acts different when he has contact with her, I’m not sure how to explain it but it is different. I’m not sure how many times he told me he would never talk to her again but it keeps happening. He’s acting strange now (currently) too I’m not sure if she is to blame but something in my gut tells me I’m right. If I find out he’s calling/texting/emailing her I will lose it! I have a short fuse as it is, I don’t need him lying to me.
We have been working so hard to get a baby but every time something bad happens. I don’t love my job; the pets get on my nerves and then him pulling this crap again? When will it stop? When I die?
Three years ago, I got married. It was great, nothing had changed. We dated for 5 years, sure it was boring but it was us, I was fine with it. In January of 2008 my husband told me, he didn’t love me, and he wanted a divorce. He will tell you he didn’t say that but he did. According to him, those are not the words he used. I told him I wouldn’t divorce him. I started telling people at work about it. They were all sympathetic towards me. But, then again they were all men. Who wouldn’t be sympathetic to a young girl who was vulnerable? One man was very nice. He made me feel good about myself; I started to think maybe life would be better without Michael. He’s the one who hurt me, maybe that’s what I’d do to him. And I did. I moved out in March of 2008. I moved to Dover, maybe it would be better I wouldn’t have to see anyone. I started talking to an attorney in April; I would be divorced by June. I was having fun hanging out with who I wanted, doing what I wanted, and going where I wanted. I thought it was great! My “friends” were so supportive. Not just my work friends but my former work friends too. Well, Michael started calling me when he got papers from the attorney telling him I had filed and when the court date was. He called and harassed me, he wanted to see me. We agreed we would meet after work one day. I saw him and fell more in love with him than ever before, I don’t know if “falling in love” is the right term but I realized I still had feelings for him. I told him we could work on us, and I would put the divorce on hold. I regret this now, I regret ever moving out. It was wrong I know it now. Michael has forgiven me but will God ever? We started “dating” again. It was strange but we somehow managed. I think all this happened in August. We moved too fast and decided to move back in with each other in October. We got a rent house, I wasn’t happy. I should have just told him I was unhappy but I didn’t. I cheated on him with someone from work. He knew something was up; he hacked his way into my Facebook account and found an email. He kept an eye on my phone and read my text messages. I never deleted anything, it was all there. Well, he moved out in the first week of December. I again thought life was better without him. Again, I was wrong. I continued to see the guy I cheated on him with. He eventually grew boring too. I went back to the attorney when Michael moved out. I was divorced January 16, 2009.
I thought I was finally free, but I was never free from Michael. I was still in love with him; I just never realized it until it was too late. Well, finally I had had enough and somehow managed Michael to let me come back. We moved in Mena in August of 2009 and re-married October 13, 2009. He let me quit my crappy job at Walmart and I stayed home.
When we were apart for most of 2009, and divorced he saw people. I’m not sure all who but I know of one person, by the name of Kristen, let’s call her Bitch for short. We agreed that I wouldn’t talk to Josh and I made it clear I didn’t want him talking to Bitch. Well that didn’t last long. I got a phone call at work, before we remarried. The girl on the phone told me she was friends with Bitch, and that she had told her. Michael thought I was bipolar and he didn’t want to marry me again but he also didn’t want to be alone. I confronted Michael about it, he told me that wasn’t true and he would never talk to Bitch again. I believed him, how stupid can one person be? Well that didn’t last long, two months later he was at again. He acts different when he has contact with her, I’m not sure how to explain it but it is different. I’m not sure how many times he told me he would never talk to her again but it keeps happening. He’s acting strange now (currently) too I’m not sure if she is to blame but something in my gut tells me I’m right. If I find out he’s calling/texting/emailing her I will lose it! I have a short fuse as it is, I don’t need him lying to me.
We have been working so hard to get a baby but every time something bad happens. I don’t love my job; the pets get on my nerves and then him pulling this crap again? When will it stop? When I die?
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